As I begin this post, I am sitting in Midway airport sipping Dunkin Donuts cold brew coffee as I groggily try to pull my thoughts together for a blog post.  I will say that my latest adventures have left me far more tired than a teacher should be in late June.  I was up late last night packing for a trip that will take me to Lexington Kentucky to visit my good friend Darya, to New Orleans for the North American Irish Dance Championships, and then back to Chicago on the 10^th of July.  I’m apprehensive about how this trip will affect the momentum I’ve built in my social life in Chicago, but confident that time spent traveling will allow me to hone my skills in talking to strangers.  When are any of us less inhibited than when traveling? So many new people to meet and connect with. 

I had a great time with Steve the other night, and another fun IRL date has me thinking about why I’m enjoying these dates with men I’ve met socializing far more than many of my online dating experiences.  Not surprisingly, I have some thoughts.  Perhaps I should first clarify what a typical first online date looks like for me.  Years ago, my friend Antoinette and I started calling first online date’s “meet and make sures” rather than dates as in “meet him and make sure he’s not crazy.”  Before a typical “meet and make sure,” I’ve probably exchanged anywhere from five to fifteen texts with a man.  Perhaps we’ve shared our phone numbers, but often we’ve only communicated on an app.  We’ve negotiated the date and time, and he’s picked the place.  Depending on the likely erroneous impression I’ve gleaned from his five pictures, six line bio, and mediocre text messaging skills – my feelings about the meet-up will range anywhere from cautious excitement to lukewarm indifference to (occasionally) outright dread.  If it’s cold out, I’ll likely put on jeans, a black t-shirt, and a statement necklace.  If it’s summer, my go-to is a sundress and jean jacket.  I’ll put on some makeup, spritz on perfume, and either call and Uber or walk to the bar or restaurant.  I’ve mastered the craft of arriving five minutes after my date so I don’t have to nervously check the door while worrying about whether I’ll recognize him. On the way there, I’ll try to think about anything but the date, so I don’t sweat or break out in red blotches on my face, chest, and upper arms (thank you – Irish heritage).  Upon arriving, I’ll try to remain calm while simultaneously handing my ID to a bouncer, explaining that I’m meeting someone, and scanning the bar for a man who may be five years older or twenty pounds heavier than his pictures. 

Usually, he’s not any of those things, and as I’ve said before, I’ve had many positive online dating experiences.  In describing the lead up to a typical online date, I mean only to make a comparison, and I’ll get there.  I promise.  But back to my typical online date for just a moment.  Walking up to a “meet and make sure” feels a little bit like walking up to a stray dog on the street. He’s likely sweet and friendly, and you might even keep him, but you have no idea what is going to happen.  Will he stand up? Shake your hand?  Go for a hug? Pull out your chair? Has he ordered already? Paid for his drink? What will his voice sound like? Is he as tall as he claimed in his profile? And that is all before you even sit down. As the date proceeds, I often feel like I’m juggling.  I’m trying to glean an accurate first impression of a man I’ve never met while facing the reality that I will be spending at least an hour with him – likely longer. And here’s the truth. Through online dating, I’ve ended up spending an hour and a half with a man I would politely excuse myself from after a five-minute conversation at a bar.  Of course, I’ve also had five-hour “oh-my-God-this-man-is-amazing” first online dates too, but those had started to feel few and far between.

On my way to meet David a couple weeks ago, and Steve the other night – I felt no apprehension.  On Tuesday, I got to the restaurant early, got a table on the patio, and ordered a drink.  I sat comfortably sipping water while keeping an eye out for my date – knowing full well that I would recognize him, that I would stand up and hug him, and that our conversation would flow easily and he would make me laugh.  The reality is that I had already met him and made sure he wasn’t crazy at the bar on Saturday night, and our Tuesday night date was truly that – a date.  As I’ve said before, I don’t intend to criticize those who find their dates online or on apps, and I’m not totally giving up doing so myself.  I’m simply cognizant of how positive my current offline dating experience is, and I’m loving it. 

I have some more thoughts on exactly why I’ve been enjoying dating offline, but those will have to wait for another time.  As I finish this post, I’m sitting on Darya’s patio drinking coffee while her dog Sasha basks in the sun next to me.  We have a gym class to go to in a half hour, and then we have big plans for the day.  While Darya often seems to know literally everyone in Lexington, I’m sure we’ll be able to find at least a few strangers to talk to.  Stay tuned.